Friday, April 15, 2011

The Weight of Our Secrets and the Freedom of Letting Go (or, A Girl Named “Little”).

This post is the first in a series.  Each post will begin with a bit of Little’s story (Little is a fictional name, but a real girl), and end with a bit of inspiration.  I hope you enjoy it…I hope it speaks to you….and I hope you add a comment to let me know.

Part 1 - A Secret is Born..The First Weight

A bit of Little's story...It was 1977, and the girl named “Little” was 6 years old. 

“We’re going to a movie,” Little’s mom said.  “It’s called Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind.”

“That sounds really scary mom.  I don’t want to go,” said Little.

Mom sighed, “Honey there’s no one to stay home with you.  We’re all going.”

Little looked up at her family members all standing in the kitchen of her grandparents’ house.  Her dad, mom, two brothers, grandma and grandpa looked back at her with awaiting looks.  ‘So, let’s go,’ is what she read on their faces. 

Little’s grandpa spoke up, “Oh, I don’t care so much about that movie.  I’ll stay home with Little. You all go ahead.”  Little’s mom started to object, “She’ll be fine…just come wi…”  but Grandpa interrupted, “No, really.  I’m happy to stay home with her.” 

‘Whew,’ Little thought, ‘saved by Grandpa!  Now I can stay here, read books, watch TV and eat ice cream, with no scary alien movie!’

But Little didn’t know that the events of this night would change her life forever…would change her forever.  It was on this night that a 6 year old girl named “Little” would lose her innocence…lose her trust…lose her safe place. 

This was also the night that Little picked up a heavy weight… the weight of a secret….a weight she would carry alone for 14 years. 
A bit of Inspiration...
If you’ve ever worked out at a gym, you’ve probably watched the following scene play out at some point…
A guy decides to saunter into one of the group exercise classes (usually 95% populated by women) just to see what it’s about.  Or maybe to meet a girl…or maybe just to show off…or maybe to actually get a good work out.  After some stretching and warming-up, the class members are instructed to get a pair of weights for the next set of exercises.  “Remember, start light,” the trainer says. 

The guy watches the ladies choosing weights labeled 2lbs and 3lbs.  He looks at these slim ladies…looks at his toned biceps…and chooses the 5lbs.   He doesn’t want to look like a show-off by choosing the 10lbs weights, but he has to choose heavier weights than the ladies.  Plus, 5lbs is nothing…they almost fly off the weight rack as he picks them up.

As the workout begins, all is going well for our guy.  The exercises are mostly yoga-type poses…calm…slow.  In most of them, the class members are instructed to hold their weights out to the side, or in front.  No multiple reps…just steady, continual weight bearing. 

At first this is easy, but about 15 minutes into this class, our guy starts to sense that the weights are feeling a bit heavier.   Ten more minutes go by, and he’s wondering if they are mislabeled…these no longer feel like the airy 5 pounders anymore.  Or maybe someone switched his 5lbs weights with 15lbs weights when he wasn’t looking.  These things are heavy, and getting heavier by the moment. 
As hard as our guy tries, he eventually has to give up.  These small 5lbs weights are now too heavy to bear…his muscles are too tired to hold them any longer.  He sets his weights down, pretends that he sees someone he knows across the gym, and leaves the room. 
Little carries the weight of a secret.  She thinks she can carry it alone.  She thinks that if she just keeps carrying it…trying to pretend that it doesn’t exist…it will eventually go away.  The truth is, though, that the weight of a secret grows heavier, and heavier, and heavier the longer we carry it…until we can carry it no longer.  Then what do we do?  The answer isn't easy...but it is simple.  And it brings freedom beyond compare.  (But that's a few posts down the road, so stick with me!)

In The Weight of Our Secrets and the Freedom of Letting Go – Part 2, we’ll hear more about Little, and we’ll hear what happens to her under the weight of her secret.  But for now, I ask you this…is there a secret that you carry?  It could be something that happened to you, something that you’ve done, or something that you are still doing.  Are you carrying it alone?  Do you feel it getting heavier? 
If yes, ask God to begin to prepare you to tell your secret.  Then keep reading this series, and lets just see where God takes us…you, me and Little…together. 


  1. Hi Kim,
    Thanks for sharing this. Well written and a great intro. We all hide secrects from others. Some little things some big things. I'm looking forward to your thoughts and perspective on how to handle the load and hearing the rest if Little's story.

  2. Wow, Kim. My prayers will surround this series of posts. Love you.

  3. Wow. This is powerful. I can't wait to see you next post.

  4. Tears in my eyes as I read this. Secrets are so powerful and weighty - and yet even more powerful is the healing that is possible by exposing them to the Light of Christ.

    In Christ -

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. This is amazingly powerful & powerfully anointed! I carried a secret similar to the one I suspect is unfolding in Little's life. I told no one until just a few weeks before I delivered my first child at the age of 29. I am 51 now, and I continue to live healed by God's miraculous grace and love. I pray that others who read this story will also find that they, too, can run into the arms of a loving Father & be freed from their secret & receive healing. May I suggest you consider putting this in print form?

    God Bless,

  7. Please forgive the deletion of the first post. I found a typo & corrected it before re-posting.


  8. I can't figure out how to respond to each of you individually (another reason I'm switching to Wordpress soon), but I am so humbled and thankful for each of your comments! Thank you for reading and caring!

  9. Love your openness & honesty, Kim! The TRUTH will (has) set you FREE! One of the best parts of healing from the hurts and hurdles of the past is breaking the chains that keep us in bondage, immovable, paralyzed! As you know, it is uncomfortable, but the results give us the HOPE and the energy to keep moving forward. I believe with all my heart you are on your road to wholeness because the TRUTH has been revealed and that HE is at work in and through you!

  10. Thank you. May God the Father thru His Comforter the Holy Spirit, open the eyes of our heart to see the of our Jesus.

  11. :):):) "compassion" of our Jesus